Wednesday, April 27, 2005

The Dream - The Realization

I had a dream during my nap today, and I woke up in the middle of it "sleep talking" to someone in my past and telling this person everything I could never literally go up to them and say. It wasn't really about bashing this person, it was more about me coming to terms with the fact that I am such a better person than they are. All this time I have been coming up with excuses for this person's hurtful behavior and actions when all I needed to do was just stop, think, and realize that it doesn't matter what this person did, all that matters is that they did this to me, it hurt me indefinitely, and I didn't deserve it, especially since I was so true to them and now I need to realize that I am better off not living with that person in my life and dwelling on what meant what or what means what, and why this or that happened, and how things could have been this or that way. I'm tired of making excuses for this person, so here is the truth:
I am SO much better than a person who accepts less than what they deserve, I have so much to offer, I am ME, and I am loving every minute of it.

Sweet Sleep ~~

Ah, sweet sleep. I got plenty of it last night. That makes me a happy camper.

My Humanities professor thought my final paper was "excellent" and made him "consider possible theories he would never have thought existed before" and read it out loud in class. That made me feel special. Until I saw my grade. If it was so freaking "excellent" how you gonna give me a 9.9 outta 10! Oh well, its still an A at the end of the day.

As you can see, life is pretty easy for me today. No stress on my shoulders, no tears weighing down my feet. Yay for wednesdays that are easy as sunday morning. :)

While your at it, if you haven't already seen this site, check it out, fool! It makes no sense and it makes me happy. A good combination.

On a more disturbing note, this is REALLY gross. What is WRONG with people? What the HELL could posess someone to do this? Well, of course...the story eludes to money. In many cases like that, money is the cause. I don't know why I shared this story with you, it pretty disgusting. I was just amazed that crap like this still goes on the world. I guess I shouldn't be that amazed anymore. Stories like this make me so disgusted, ugh!

Anyway, I really gotta start studying for finals. Geez, I'm good at this procrastination thing. I should consider it for a career. Except, it doesn't make you money. Aw, shucks! Too bad. Maybe I'll just open up a fruit stand on the side. Sounds like a plan.


Can You Beat This Logic?

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story too.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose fromhis chair and replied:

"Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

Journey To My Wonderland

In an hour when many people are sleeping
My eyes are still awake, desperately searching
For the last sheep to cross over the big brown fence
And cool lullabies that could drive away tense.

In hours like these when I feel cold and all alone
I try to smile, and try to make it on my own--
To dwell in a world without trouble, without fears,
A world where no one hates and no pain that sears.

My mind journeys to kingdoms I have never seen
Hoping that my eyes would drop at a certain scene:
When my Prince Charming pops out from my young, foolish mind
And makes me realize that love, is indeed, blind!

Blind! Blind are the worlds of people who couldn't see
With untroubled dreams while I struggle here to sleep,
Now that I've created these four silly stanzas
I guess I'll just go, drift off to my Wonderland.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Today was a good day :-D

I feel accomplished
I feel happy
I feel my cheeks blushing
I feel like dancing (if only it were raining outside, that would be cool)

I feel the life coming back to me
Yes, sometimes life can be good.

Thank you Allah for rewarding me for my patience!

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Worth Wearing Seaform Green For...

There's an old Mastercard commercial that goes something like this:

You see a girl obviously on her way to a wedding, dressed in a seafoam green dress with matching shoes and accessories.

The text reads:
"Seafoam green dress: $150
seafoam green dyed-to-match shoes: $80
manicure: $12
hair appointment: $45
friend worth wearing seafoam green for: priceless."

Though I do think it was a particularly well-done commercial, this post is not an advertisement for Mastercard or their marketing group, it is my way of wishing mazal tov to a friend who just got engaged. A friend who is very much worth wearing seafom green for (though she is not requesting that I do so).

A friend who is in fact priceless.


Friday, April 22, 2005

Shoes ARE a Girl's Best Friends!

“Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world."

That would be shoes in plural. Because this girl cannot resist the warm weather and Old Navy's two for $5 flip flop deal. Times two. That would be four pairs of flip flops in one trip to Old Navy. I would try to defend myself by arguing that they're pretty and now I can color coordinate with all my shirts, but somehow I'm not sure how great a defense that would be. So sue me. I'll just have to buy a new pair of shoes for court...

(My new favorite Web site. Well, not quite. But almost.)

Boys Are Stupid - Throw Rocks At Them!

This from a NY Times article, The Man Date:

"Simply defined a man date is two heterosexual men socializing without the crutch of business or sports."

The article notes that women have long since understood this need for emotional support and bonding with people of your own species, umm, i mean gender. "Women understand this instinctively, which is why there is no female equivalent to the awkward man date; straight women have long met for dinner or a movie without a second thought."

Like, duh.

Even if you believe in co-ed socializing (on which I refuse to comment at this time) of course you sometimes want to hang out with a friend of the same sex as you, why should that be weird? And of course it wouldn't be weird. Unless you were a boy. And since we all know boys are stupid...

(Note: Just because I think boys are stupid - and I fully subscribe to said theory - does not mean I don't want to marry one someday. It just means they're stupid. I can accept that. Can you?)

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Selfish Me -

"One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?"

There is nothing more frustrating than giving a significant amount of time and/or energy to do something good and then not being able to do it.

Yesterday, I tried to give blood; my iron was too low. Today, I went back and my iron was high enough. I waited an hour and a half. They stuck me. I got nauseous. I'm okay, so no harm done. Except for the fact that I'm really frustrated. Here I was all ready to do a great, selfless act, and then I couldn't do it. So, not only do I end up not feeling so well and wasting time which I could have used to get some of my piles of work done (yeah right), I can't even say it was worth it. I didn't actually do anything worthwhile.

I'm not so upset that somebody who needs blood is not getting it, I'm so upset that I couldn't give it. Maybe it's just because giving blood is an indirect act to begin with, so you never truly see its effects. Maybe. But shouldn't I care more about the person who needs blood who is not getting it than I care about the fact that I'm a little dizzy and that I didn't earn my free t-shirt and movie ticket?? Well, shouldn't I?

Sleep....Where Art Thou?

"Dawn: When men of reason go to bed."

"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep."

I don't think I ever appreciated sleep as much as I do now; it's 2:40 a.m. and it doesn't look like I'm going to bed anytime soon. I've come to the conclusion that college students just don't believe in sleep. At all. And I understand it. I mean, life is so exciting and so much is going on, who has time for sleep? Why are there not more hours in the day? Why even at this point in my life do I feel a need to do everything and get it all done? And why is Pepsi Max (with a huge dose of caffeine) not legal in this country?

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Life or Comfort?

Imagine that you have $20,000 in savings. You also have a damaged knee that forces you to walk with a limp, makes it difficult for you to climb stairs, and prevents you from engaging in any sport or athletic activity that requires mobility. There are two and only two ways in which you can spend your savings. The first is to have knee surgery that would restore your knee to full, normal functioning. The second is to donate your savings to an organization. The organization supports destitute people, and your donation would enable it to save the life of one person who would otherwise starve to death.

Must you, as a matter of justice, donate your savings to save another person's life?

This is one of the choices for my last paper in a class I'm taking. I think it's a really hard question (hence I am not choosing to write on it). Today, one of the girls in my class basically said that she thinks no one in their right mind would donate the money. Of course, she said, you worry about your own comfort over the life of someone else.

Now, I don't know what I would answer to the question, and I certainly don't know what I would do were I in the situation. But I would like to say that it wouldn't be quite so obvious to me, that life - even someone else's - is more important than comfort, and that I at the very least recognize the moral dilemma involved.

But maybe this question makes it too easy. The question frames an issue that could come up every day if we cared enough to think about it: how much money do we spend on things that are not really necessary? How much money could we really donate to help save people's lives? Do you really need to buy the name-brand toilet paper? Is your new pair of shoes worth someone else's life?

And where do we draw that line?

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

This Is What I Have To Say

Wish You were here
To take away this fear
Waiting for the big day
But for now, this I'll say

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If thats all in life I ever do

Moon so bright, night so fine
Keep your heart here with mine
Race the moon, catch the wind
Ride the night to the end

Heroes rise, heroes fall
Rise again, win it all
Through our joy, through our pain
We can move worlds again

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If thats all in life I ever do

Take my hands, dance with me
This is where I want to be
Where there is love, life begins
over and over again

Save the night, save the day
Save the love, come what may
Love is worth everything we pay
This is what I have to say

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do...

Take Me...

Take me to a place where there are no doubts,
Where I can jump in an ocean and laugh-
And drown, but never regret the leap,
Never regret being daft.
Where we can err, not learn, and err again,
And do things we love to do.
Where mistakes fall like fruit from Newton's tree
And at each we discover things new...
Take me to a place where there is no need
To understand who we are...
Where we can dash into the blazing Sun
And into the moonlight with a star.

Monday, April 18, 2005

I Hate "GoodByes"

Its not like the person matters too much or the person matters at all.

In an ideal world, with an ideal life, people shouldn't matter anyway.

Then why is it so hard to say goodbye? If moving on is easy, why does the process of 'let go' suck the life out of you? It ruins everything, you know, everything. And somehow it is always the so-called 'indispensable' ones whom the goodbye has to be bid.

It is a tricky word, goodbye. If you say it, you regret it for the rest of your life.

If you don't say it, you wallow in the guilt for the rest of your life. For, sometimes, and i tell this a lot to me, they are not going because they want to. It's simply because they have to. It is a simple fact to pinpoint, but not an easy one to come to terms with. Anger, frustration, are by-products of attachment. They will rear their head somewhere, somehow. So you don't say goodbye, as a sort of 'punishment'. Or you do say it, which is far worse a punishment sometimes.

I hate the word, personally. Arrivederci or phir milenge are commas, perhaps colons. Goodbye is a full stop. Final. There shouldn't be finality in anything. Finality shakes my faith in life.Then again, they say that whatever happens, happens for the best. So it doesn't really matter what you say or whether you say it. In the greater scheme of things, all this coming- going business is petty ephemera. My own head tells me to get over this 'sheer nonsense'. I wish I never had to bid goodbye. It's all I am asking for. Please, please just let me be. And let there be no goodbyes anymore...and no more reasons to say them.

Missing you my cousin = ( Hope Texas is treating you right...

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Oh Sweet Onion, How Thy Make Thee Weep...

Chopping onions is tricky business. Try it, and you will find it injurious either to your eyes or to your fingers. If you decide to brave it out and focus directly on the job at hand, very soon you will be focussing on trying to figure out a way to keep the perennial stream of tears out of your precious concoction. If you think you are using your brains and try to protect your peepers by doing the chopping shut-eyed, 9 times out of 10 you will miss aim and your poor innocent finger will have to undergo due retribution.

We have a winner here. The onion is one vegetable that cannot be outsmarted.

After having attempted the second option mentioned above and faced the consequence also mentioned above, i spent the better part of the morning weeping away like there was no water left in the country. At one point i was thinking on the lines of what the hell, i might as well make it look more realistic, and added a few sniffles here and there. I guess the special effects worked because i had a cousin telling me not to take the role of Princess Diana loyalist too seriously. More on that in a later post. In any case, my discoveries about the onion are far more intriguing to me than the discovery of Charles and Camilla that it is indeed true love that exists between them. For one, it did not take me 35 years to realise that chopping onions will be one chore i will move hell and high water to avoid henceforth. It also didn't cost me the peace of mind of a dozen people, the life of one person and about a gazillion pounds.

Anyway, I read something a long time ago where two people actually compared the onion to life in the long run.

One American criticsaid,
"Life is like an onion; you peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it."
I don't agree to it, but I know alot of people who might, unfortunately.

The other critic said,
"Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep."
Sounds pretty accurate.

Then there was Shakespeare who was more concerned with the haliotis aspect of the whole affair, and was forever extolling his actors to "eat no onions nor garlic, for we are to utter sweet breath." Quite understandable too.

I have developed my own philosophy as regards the saucy vegetable. It is way more practical and down to earth than the ones listed above, and it is simply that if ever you run into the rotten luck and inescapable situation of having to chop an oinion, pay attention to the criss-cross details. Spot the contours Mother Nature provided and then cut across them and voila! You will have cut your weeping time into half.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Ey tu, Brain?!

My brain has betrayed me. My brain can no longer function as of right now...I can hardly even spell, and I'm like a human spellcheck, seriously. But it looks like I've lost that trait. I just took my biology 203 midterm, who knew a test could get so freakin' specific? I don't know, nor do I care. I finished FIRST in a room of about 300-400 people. When I went to hand up the test the TA's eyes bugged out and said "you're done?" and I was like "uh huh" and his response? "Wow"... So now I'm scared. I either did really great cause I finished so fast (checked it over and evertyhing) or horrible and got it all mixed up.

Now I have to study for physics, oh how I hate that malevolent subject...I won't even be sarcastic and say I love it dearly. I hate it dearly, I spit on this subject! And, remember, my brain is refusing to function right now, so is it gonna make an exception for a subject I don't think is relevant or enlightening what-so-ever? I dont think so.

There is a line in a Kelis song that says "I'll set your truck to flames and watch it blow up, blow up..." It was a song about an ex-boyfriend, but I could apply that lyrics to a couple of my teachers' cars. Maybe it'll make me feel better. Anyone got a match?

I'm trying to find every way that I can procrastinate and not study for physics, or any other subject to be honest. I even added some music. Its great. It took me forever to figure out but now it works lovely!

Anyways, moving on...

I love this quote:

"Extraordinary circumstances do not make heroes or cowards, they simply reveal them to the eyes of men"

The more I experience in this world, the more I believe that quote to be a truth. Character - or the lack of it - is exposed in those circumstances that are outside our norm. Be it winning the lottery or dealing with tragedy, who we are becomes visible then.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

The Jitters

I think its starting....

The nervousness.
The fear.
The unsurity.
The unclarity.
The unstability.
The nonsense.
The crazyness.
The loneliness.

And then the big question....

"Am I making a really big mistake?"

Friends, I need your advice, What do you say to one who feels these jitters? What would a person in this situation need to hear? Cause I do not know... I don't know what I need... I don't know what I need/want to hear... I need some help... MAJOR HELP!

Just make it go away. Somehow.
I can't handle this constant burn anymore.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Joke of the day

I hope you all enjoy this joke as much as i did!


Filipino Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart.

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. . . An American, a Russian, an Australian and a Filipino. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, " A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer."

And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian. "Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of. "

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, " Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thang known is Diarrhea." "WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "O I can expleyn serrr ." said Eleuterio . " YOU SEE SERR, DA otherday I wasn't Peeeling so good and I run soo fast to the CR or bathroom, But, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, ay 'tang ina, I already had a big tae, ka-ka or poo-poo in my pants.

Eleuterio is now the new "Greeter" at Wal-Mart.


"Yes, I'm your lover. You don't know what that is but you will," he said. "I know that too. I know all about you. But look: it's real nice and you couldn't ask for nobody better than me, or more polite. I always keep my word. I'll tell you how it is, I'm always nice at first, the first time. I'll hold you so tight you won't think you have to try to get away or pretend anything because you'll know you can't. And I'll come inside you where it's all secret and you'll give in to me and you'll love me--"

What the hell do you say after hearing that?

A very rare moment...
I am completely speechless...

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Friends of a Feather

Don't spend major time with minor people. If there are people in your life that continually disappoint you, break promises, stomp on your dreams, too judgmental, have different values and don't have your back during difficult times...that is not a friend.

To have a friend, be a friend.

Sometimes in life, as you grow, your friends will either grow or go. Surround yourself with people who reflect your values, your goals, your interests, and your lifestyle.

When I think of any of my successes, I am thankful to Allah from whom all blessings flow, and to my family and friends that enrich my life. Over the years my phone book has changed, and its changed for the better. At first you think you're going to be alone, but after a while new people show up in your life that make your life so much sweeter and easier to endure.

Remember what they say,

"Birds of a feather flock together. If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens because... CHICKENS CAN'T FLY. "

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

I <3 you, n my angelic friends. Thank you. Thank you for being there whether I needed it or not. For always knowing what or what not to say. For sitting and listening. For helping me avoid stressful and hurtful situations all together. For just being the best friends ever.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Answered Prayers

A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island.

The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agreed that they had no other recourse but to pray to Allah. However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing.

Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife would leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leavethe second man on the island. He considered the other man unworthy to receive Allah's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming,"Why are you leaving your companion on the island?"

"My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them," the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything."

"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings."

"Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "What did he pray for that I should owe him anything?"

"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."

So moral of the story:

For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

My Life Right Now In A Summary

Well I have been asked to update because I haven't entertained my loyal readers for the past week and a half with my dramatic life. So here it is. I can't promise too much, cause my I am only working on one active brain cells. Sorry :-

Oh man, I just watched Bridget Jones' Diary again and can I just say that I absolutely love that movie? It makes me laugh everytime. I guess the reason I really love the movie is the whole love aspect of it. It's the idea that you can find someone so perfect for you in every way, someone who thinks that you're loveliest creature on the planet "just as you are."

I LOVE that line. "Just as you are." Say it again with me, come on.

But what do I really know about relationships? haha, all I know is one very confusing, very long, very painful relationship (and I'm using nice words to describe this) and another one that is even more confusing than the first.

Oh well. Life is life and I think that I read way too much into it sometimes. I know that I should just "let life flow..." haha, that sounds so hippeish (let's tye dye something, shall we?). It's just that it's hard to be logical when emotions always want to take over.

Anyways, let me say something...planning a wedding is freaking tough. So much to do! I dont know how I'm handling all this stress. Everyone expects me to put everything together and they are just going to show up. HOW RUDE! The photographer that I was going to book, couldn't make it the day of the wedding, so I had to go in search of another one. Alhumdullilah I found one that wasn't booked (took a while but its all good), and he's charging a pretty decent rate...$1500 for three dvds, a video tape, a bangladeshi compatible video tape, 200 pictures (100 for the hollud and 100 for the wedding...we probably wont need that many hollud pictures so that will roll over to the wedding pictures) . And I finally got in touch with the invitation card guys ALL the way over in INDIA. He's gonna send me the proofs of the invitations on Monday and they should be on their way for printing sometime in the middle of the week and we should be sending them out in about a week and a half.

We're going to New Jersey next weekend. Edison to be exact. Supposedly they have really beautiful jewelry. I'm gonna try to upload some pictures of the sets we're interested. My mom wants to buy me a set with the grand that my grandmother gave to me. So we're gonna check it out...but I really wish I could just to go Bangladesh or India and get a custom made one. But there's no time for that ha :-(

I can't believe the wedding is in almost a month. THIS IS CRAZY! Anyways check back for more later!

Oh yah.... EBAY is my new best friend.... i cant believe how much stuff i just ordered from there.... cross your fingers.... hopefully they are worth the moeny!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The Challenge is Complete AT LAST :-D

As you can see, I have fulfilled my part of the challenge. I have a whole new template/skin, whatever you would like to call it. And not to sound conceited, I think it looks pretty good :-D !

I worked very hard on this. And I'm very proud of my work. It took me a whole week [just shy of the allotted time I was given...i was given 7 days....and i finished it in 6] to figure everything out. I learned all the coding from scratch, well I can't say I learned anything, I just regurgitated whatever codes I saw online. The blogger forum really helped me out. I would have been done much sooner, but I was having so much making and learning all this stuff, that I started making three different templates simultaneously. Eventually, insha'Allah, I will finish those templates and put them up as well.

Don't get me wrong, it was not all fun and games. It got quite frustrating at times. I almost gave up so many times, and my tyelnol bottle is almost finished from all the headaches I got. I never realized it was this hard, and for the people who do it everyday and know so much...Alhumdullilah! Cause this takes a LOT of patience and skills.

Anyways, looking at the finished product, even though it is nothing special and not that great, it was worth it. I know it sucks compared to others, I still love mine. I CREATED IT. Its all mine, my hard work, my sleepless nights, my endless nights coding and re-coding and then fixing it back and then re-coding, my endless hours of reading worthless forums and hours of stalking my friends with experience with the area. It is such a great feeling to know that this is my original work (most of it anyways).

I want to thank both Asif and Mujahideen Ryder aka Amir for their help. I know I bugged you guys a lot with nonsense beginner questions, but you helped out alot! Asif, thank you for providing me with bootleg copies of photoshop and dreamweaver. [even though I still havent figured out how to use them].

So now I am going to go back to reality for a little bit, and focus on what is more important, my school work. But now that I discovered a new passion [we'll see how long it lasts], I'm pretty sure I'll be making more. Yay! I finally have a hobbie! And I saw how much motivation I had in doing it and what not, I really hope I can channel that into school cause LORD KNOWS I NEED IT! So Insha'allah I will become more motivated and determined in school now that I know I have it in me.

Anyways I am tired, I am drained of sleep.
Its Thursday night and I have a hot date ;-)!

With my pillow of course!
You silly people! Trix are for KIDS!