So I am still a fucking doushe.

A STUPID FUCKING GIRL.

I still am.


I let it happen again. All the strength that I built up, I let it fucking crash to the ground. Didn't even get a sincere apology. After all that he hurt me with I thought he would realize how much he hurt me and at least apologize for it. But like always, i fuckin forgive him before he asks and accept him for whatever, flaws included. So he doesnt even apologize, and somehow it gets twisted, and I'm the one left fucking aplogizing. WOW, what a fucking moron I am. He is completelly right. I am a fucking moron.

And just when I thought, maybe, maybe, he'll be there for me this time and he showed progress. gave me information and the little bit of confidence i needed. and i was like u know wut, everything im so scared of in the future might not be so bad cause he can be a really good friend when he wants to be. he game a lil encouragement...which i dont get alot....at all really from anyone... and then POOF he fucking goes bipolar again.

FUCK IT.

FUCK THIS.

FUCK everything...

I'm just waiting till God takes me away from my pathetic existence.