Looking back on the twenty years that I have lived, I have noticed some trends. As a young child we are full of innocence. We are unsure of the world and we see it as full of potential and intrigue. At some point that innocence is replaced by the angst of adolescence. That is a time when we begin to find flaws in ourselves and begin to see the world is not as inviting as we once thought. We still have our hopes and dreams and the future full of possibility. The angst of youth gives way to the cynicism of early adulthood. We have experienced pain that cause us to conceal, change, or lose some of those hopes and dreams. The passion and vigor of life begins to be dulled by the gray of reality. After every failure we lose more desire. After every rejection our drive lessens. After every loss the strain on our hearts increases. There comes a point where we no longer seek to find something better, but seek simply to avoid more turmoil.
All those dreams are memories. All life's happy memories are passages to something that no longer exists. I have heard it said that life is not about the end result, but about the journey. I no longer desire any part of the journey. I want no more part of hurt or loss. I do not want to find more reasons why I am not good enough. I am content to being alone. I need no one. At least I know I can only let myself down. I do not want to try. I won't try. I am resigned to participate in being the minimum. I will work. I will go home. I will sleep. And I will pray. Pray to able to trust again, but I doubt it will happen.
Everyone will let you down. I have nothing more to give anyone anymore.
posted by ~Sara~ @ 12:25:00 AM
13 comments
13 Comments:
How is it hangin ol' gurl....Don't push yourself to an invisible wall. You will only find your energy wasted.
i dont think so.... if u dont go out of ur way to make others happy, ur only reserving ur energy.
What you don't realize is that if all your efforts are not acknowledged rather ignored, maybe that person does not even deserves the effort.
Today's World is much different, where if you go out of the way to make other people happy, remember, your are investing your time which is most important. Its only a realization that your just being used as a table top than holy water, it's time to cut em off....
"The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they make the best of everything" ...my partner in eating the world's largest cookie, fear not about what will happen in the future, or the turmoils that u faced in the past...the person u are today, with all ur experiences, has made u a stronger, and wiser person than u were a while ago. Every day is a new experience, and every day u have to be selfish enough to get through ur life in peace. Be selfish- take care of urself first! do what u want, and don't care about what others around u are doing. Once u learn to take care of urself, people will acknowledge u. there's NO reason for u to settle, if u find urself settling for ANYONE, then they are NOT worth it. no effort, no pain, no attachment. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT! and you can achieve anything you want as well. Focus on urself, and everything will fall in place...focus on being selfish- be nice, be polite, but don't go out of ur way to be nice and polite...thus, be selfish. it's amazing how much of life can make u shrewd, but once u get in the routine of being independent, and taking care of urself- which usually occupies most of ur time- but u'll still be the same sara , and that's what people will see. do it for urself, make urself happy first.
Well said, couldn't have said it better.
aww thanks guys!!!!!!!! those are some wise words and I'll take it account....but how do u change from 20 years of unselfishness over night?
I think after you get hurt somany times you realize that all this time, you were trying to please people who don't care. People have become so selfish these days as they only care or show to care, until they have some favor from you. Even if no favor is desired, they would rather not care for anyone else as they are too busy in their own interests. Now if you try to please them by doing favors, you being human, expect something in return. AND get dissapointed when no interest for your deed is reflected back...(get hurt). So stop it.
hmm i wouldn't stop doing favors for anyone...actually, i wouldnt call it as favors. If u can do something, to help someone if they really need it- and it's up to u to decide if they need it or not- then u can help them, but not help them as a favor. A favor is where u expect something in return. but helping: You expect nothing, and you don't get disappointed. Do whatever u want- if it makes u feel better to help people, help them without expecting anything in return. don't put urself 2nd and the other person 1st. their life revolves around you...not the other way around.
As far as becoming selfish- it takes time. every incident where u feel urself getting sucked into something that u will regret - think it over and play out the routine in ur head: good things vs bad things, and where you lie on the table. don't committ to anything as well- and don't feel embarassed or shy to say NO I CAN"T....cuz being honesty, this is YOUR life...you run ur life, and u have the upper hand. it's all in ur mindset- u can make them feel like they're the best people around, or the shittiest so to speak. but just know that ur always number 1 in ur life... if u aren't now, u should be and u can change that. people need to earn ur friendship and ur respect, frankly u have to put ur foot down to stop letting them take over ur life. be proactive and not reactive.
also..i don't think my blog showed up before, but u can read the latest entry where i talk about my relationship theory...see if that helps out too. =) moooooooooo!
This reminds me of a certain diaper commercial.
"You live, you learn, and then you get luvs."
I hope that helps.
only you anonymous would take something serious and turn it into a joke....everything is a joke to u isnt it?
That wasn't a joke. Although I find it a bit humorous.
"You Live, You Learn, And Then You Get Luvs"
Read it carefully if you don't understand. It simply says first you live, then you learn from life. And at the end when you do learn (whatever that may be) you finally get Luvs (or Loves in this case).
I was simply trying to inform you that when you learn from your mistakes (yes you have mistakes) then you will finally get your "love." Read what Tahrun is saying. He's giving you very wise advice. You should realize your worth and not accept others treating you like they do. If they treat you this horrible, move on. Forget them. They aren't worth it. That's what you should "learn."
Obviously you haven't though.
Anyway, I'm sorry if my short comment earlier offended you. That wasn't my goal, but I see you took it that way. And for that I am once again apologizing. I'll just not comment now on.
Be well. Allah Hafees.
you do not know wut i learned or know...you dont know anything for you to act like you do.
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