Ice Cream Does a Body Good...

It is hard to get my head around why doors open up and then seem to close when I try to walk through them. People keep telling me that I will understand one day why things happen the way they do. I understand the reasons that they say that, but I don't know if it is as true as I once thought and hoped it to be. I can't get my head around why I feel so sure that Allah has certain plans for me and then He decides to change them. All I get is more questions. The hardest thing to hear is everyone telling me, "if you think he was great, imagine how amazing the one Allah wants for you will be." Because in my heart I still have faith and for some stupid reason want to believe that he is the one and he is just not listening to what God wants, but what he wants for himself. So in this case I have the faith, but is it misplaced...how will I...how can I know???

All the questions and all the frustrations are what bring me to the decision that I may not be designed to be with anyone. I am desperate for the peace of my heart . I long for the guidance, understanding, and wisdom that only Allah can bring. I guess I need to learn to ignore that huge part of my heart that longs to be loved by him, and replace it with love for myself.

I don't feel like I have anyone to pour my heart out to. I can pray and it helps but I have to admit it is not the same as having a shoulder to lean on. I am confused and my emotions are going a million miles an hour. I want to feel centered. I want that feeling that is supposed to be within me to fill me with laughter. How do I get it? So many questions.

You know what....

I just need some ice cream.