Faith, Humility and Wisdom

I cannot seem to figure out the lessons that I am supposed to be learning during this challenging time. I know that I am being put through what I would like to believe is a refining fire of sorts, but I don't know where it is going to go. I never know. This endless cycle hurts like crazy. I hate not knowing. I am starting to believe that I am transitioning in to a time in my life where I am actually supposed to be alone, completely on my own, with no support. That scares me because I hate being alone. I almost feel like it is time for me to realize that I am not meant to be with anyone ever. Maybe I will never be good enough.

All I can do is ask for faith like I have never asked for it before. I have got to learn to trust that what Allah is doing now, and what he is going to do, is best for me. In my head I know it is true, but that truth is having a hard time making it to my broken and hurting heart. Perhaps the more faith I have the more open my life will be to what Allah wants to do in it.

The second thing I want is humility. I want to be humble. I am currently being humbled through this time, but I want to learn to have a sincere humility in all I do. I don't want to seek credit or acknowledgement. I want to learn to just do my best because it is what I owe the people around me, and Allah for that matter. I feel like humility will help me seek to make myself feel better, and strive more toward simply being content.

I do seek wisdom. I want find more truth in my life. Everything feels so wrong right now. I think that some wisdom about things will help me find more shaanthi. I need some shaanthi.