Life and other things
I need some serious help...recently i've been getting this feeling of inadequesy very often. Im getting this feeling that I am going crazy! Now, I figured, maybe I have gone crazy a long time ago! YaAllah help me..... and lead me to the path where I will find inner peace... a rested heart... that's all I am asking for! Like the other day, a friend said, death wouldn't be so bad for we are finally released from all the stress........ but I want to live, with a content heart...
We all want a simple song.
We all want to get along.
We all want to just belong.
We all want to know right from wrong.
We all want to love and be loved strong.
Truth has been confused. Simplicity refused. This trust had been abused.
So how am I to love, and be loved strong?
It's so hard.. sometimes, it feels like, I just need to give up on all this! My dreams.. my future.. my life.. my people.. everything! It will be the only way to keep some sanity and to not cause any pain or put any burden on anyone. Its as if everywhere I go, I cause something to go wrong even if I KNOW i had nothing to do with it, it's always me that the blame falls on. I'm so tired of being everyone's punching bag, the carpet that everyone just walks all over, the person that will do anything for anyone because she is too nice to say no.
Maybe I just need to go to the top of the mountains and have a simple life there...its all crazy, life is so crazy, oh my God, I can't take it anymore!
I hate the feeling of being inadequate. And recently that's all I feel. Not from just one person. From everyone. And it's getting to the point where I just really want to give up on everything. I wish I could just be selfish without feeling guilty, but I really wish I could just accomplish everything just to make everyone around me happy. I wish I had the abilities to do so much more then I'm doing. I try so hard. But nothing I do or am is ever good enough for anyone.
I just wish I could believe in myself. I wish I knew what to do. I wish I didn't feel like such trash that belongs on the side of the road. I'm so scared. So scared of my future and how I make everyone around me so miserable. I just wish, for once, that I could be appreciated for what I am. I am not perfect, I DO have flaws. I DONT know everything. I CANT make everything go right. I DONT control the consequences of other people's actions. I DO have a consious and I DO hurt. I HURT just as much as the next person. I may hide it, but it doesnt mean I don't have feelings. I just dont want to burden anyone with them. I just wish I could be excepted for being myself, my flaws and all without trying to conform to the way everyone around me wants.
It just gets harder and lonlier by the day. Oh Allah, help me find some peace in my heart.
posted by ~Sara~ @ 1:24:00 AM
1 comments
1 Comments:
Everyone has mistakes. You are human. You get mistreated because you can't seem to understand how valuable and honorable you are. So till you realize your worth, no one else will.
Don't feel guilty about anything. If you did something wrong and know it, just continue on from there and avoid doing it again. No use in living in the past.
We've all been down that road where we feel that everything is going wrong. Life seems to be on the brink of collapse. School, Family, Friends, and even Significant Other can seem difficult to deal with. But I find they are all inter-connected. So fix the most important one and the others should fall into place.
Your education is something no one can take away from you. So no matter how much someone hurt you and take your heart away. Your education can't never be stolen away from you. So keep up with your studies and you'll have something to be proud of: your academic standing.
Friends come and go, but they can always be there for you aslong as you realize your worth to them. If you make yourself seem low, then don't expect the friends to treat you with kind empathy. When you show your weakness, you will see others exploit it. So have some confidence in your self. If anyone can get through pain, its you.
I know its difficult to try and hide your emotions. You try to masquerade everything and put on a show, pretending everything is going well but soon things begin to crack. And then people see your weakness and you end up feeling very embarrassed, shameful and maybe even a little pathetic. But that's fine. We all go through it. It's how we handle it from that point that shows our strength. And I know you have much much strength. Have confidence. Believe in yourself because no one else in this world can believe it for you.
And your significant other? Well lets just say they can come and go to. The hell with them. Love is very hard to describe. It has many defineations but one defineation love should not be associated with is pain. Love someone. But don't let that love consume you. Theres more opportunities in life (Remember your blog heading, they are NOW HERE). Don't settle for charcoal when you can dig deeper and find diamond.
Keep up with your prayers and have a big Imaan. Pray with honesty and pray that your prayers are honest. In life even our parents leaves us. Only one we can turn to is Allah. So pray to him to take away your pain. Pray to him that your prayers are straight. Pray to him to lead you straight. And pray to him, acknowledging,
La Illah Ha Illalah, Muhammad'r Rosullilah!
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