Great Grape Nut Fiasco

For the record, my life is boring enough that I'm writing about cereal eating experiences. If you have brain cells to spare, read on. If not, well you might want to skip this entry.

Every few years or so, I think to myself, "Hey, Grape Nuts! Those sound good!" Now, don't get me wrong. I don't know what instills this strange craving in me... I'm not a "health nut" as they say those who eat Grape Nuts may be accused of being on the commercials. I don't even like crunchy things. So I have no idea why Grape Nuts even crossed my mind, other than the fact that they were indeed in my kitchen.

So I got myself a bowl of Grape Nuts. Poured some milk on 'em, took a bite, and remembered why it was that I never eat Grape Nuts. It's like eating gravel, only with less flavor. So I said to myself, "Self, there has to be something to make these better." I looked around and spotted a bunch of bananas on the counter. And I said, "Aha! Bananas!" So I sliced up a banana and put it on my Grape Nuts.

That made them tolerable for a while. But then the banana was gone. And there were still Grape Nuts left. And I viewed this as a problem. So I went off in search of a solution. And I found the sugar bowl.

So I figured, sugar, I need a spoon, right? Wrong. I had a spoon, but it was already wet and that wouldn't do, so I'd just pour it out of the sugar bowl. That would have worked fine if the sugar hadn't been sticking to itself a bit. Two seconds later I had about two cups of sugar sitting atop my Grape Nuts. "Holy flippin' duck poo," I said quietly to myself. But far be it from me to let that much sugar go to waste (screw the Grape Nuts)... I stirred it in, making more of a goop out of the milk and sugar than anything. I was able to stomach a few bites, but it was just (and you will RARELY hear ME say this) too sweet. So I added more milk. And more Grape Nuts. And I was able to handle it for a little while... then I needed more milk. I got through most of them, but I ended up having to put the rest in a Ziplock Baggie and depositing that baggie in the dumpster. Too much.

Me tummy's a little upset.

I don't know what sort of things I had to do to have bad karma with my breakfast cereal...