A serious post....

Sometimes I want to pull out my hair, seriously, just pull it all out. It would be easier to be bald, anyway. Less hair care.

I feel (almost constantly) that there is this ENORMOUS pressure put on us to succeed. And if you fail, they might as well just ship you off to Cuba or something to hang with Fidel. You might as well just be an outcast or something.

There is a great pressure that has been placed on my shoulders--from my parents, from society, from the world--telling me that I better make the right decisions here and now. I'm 20, people! I know I bring up my age a lot. But I find it funny and ironic that many view 20 as an adult age (in terms of consequences), but when it comes sense about life, no one would take a 20-year-old's rantings seriously.

And, I don't really expect people to take me seriously. I'm young and foolish, what can I say? Even my keen logic doesn't save me from experimenting from time to time. I blame it on my age.

What is success, anyway? Wealth, family, love, pride? What I define as success may not be another person's success. The bland definition of success in the dictionary goes as follows: To accomplish something desired or intended. Then, those dictionary bastards had to add this quote in there: “Success is counted sweetest/By those who ne'er succeed” (Emily Dickinson). Yep. I can relate with that freakin' quote. The grass is greener, right?

The real pressure I feel--the pressure that haunts me every night before i go to sleep--the pressure to not fail. There hasn't been a moment in my life where I've really messed up. There have been small hiccups here and there, but overall I've been the good kid. Maybe that's why my parents are so hopeful.

Maybe I don't want all the hope placed on my shoulders. Maybe I just want peace of mind. In another way, however, the pressure drives me to keep on going. Maybe the pressure is a blessing in disguise. I imagine I will get gray hair from thinking about it too much.