Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The road is long, and full of crazy turns. How easy it would be if a simple straight road was in front of me. I would know exactly what I wanted and where to go and how to get there. Sadly there are many curves and bends, and it is hard to predict what will be coming or what will happen. I guess tried to follow the straight road, and when it curved, I have always just kinda stopped and waited for it to straighten out again, but I think this time I will move on. It's not that big of a deal, and as a matter of fact, it is probably more than beneficial for me if I just move on past the curves. I will get farther in life if I don't just sit there and wait. That is what I have always done, and I have settled for what has come along. This time I think I will take control of the wheel and keep on going because I think the sooner I move on and find something that makes me happy, the sooner I can get over and forgive people for past mistakes they have made. I hate being mad at people, and I especially hate not being able to tell them. I hate keeping secrets from people, and not discussing things that need to be discussed, but I am going to work on changing that. I want to become a better person. The person that I want to be, not anyone else. This is for me and me alone, and I do not care if people do not like what I become because it is not their choice. I figure I may lose friends with who I change into. I will be more expressive with opinions and people may dislike it. I think I have already changed several friendships I have, and while that is hard to deal with, I figure if things change that easily anyways, the bond was not that strong to begin with.

I am going to smile about life and love every second of it. I am going to make the most out of my resources, and try to stop caring about the stigma that ignorant people place on me.

I will stop worrying about being sick because I can not change a disease, but I can live a normal life if I want. My heart honestly feels lighter right now, I love it.


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