What to do....What to do.....
Do u know wut the worst feeling in the world is? Its the feeling you get when you need something sooooo bad, and you need it more then u've ever needed anything in ur life. And you had it for a while, but you lost it, it just dissapeared one day without a trace except ur broken heart. But then it came back and u almost have it again. Its just like a centimeter away from the grasps of your hand. And your so excited and happy and forget all that pain you had when u lost it because finally you think that hole in your heart is going to get patched up.
But then reality comes and slaps you across the face for the umpteenth time and reminds you that you dont deserve to fill that void in your heart. Then something comes and takes it away...something so small takes away your chance of finally being happy and getting that one thing that u cant live without and have longed for, for so long.
All the things that you have done...all the time and energy that you have wasted on that one thing....its like it doesnt even matter....you had made that one thing sooo important in your life, it became one of your top priorites, something nearest and dearest to your heart...and it doesnt even matter...nothing matters...because in the end, no matter what, that thing will never realize ur importance and appreciate all that you have done.
That thing will never realize that all that needs to be done to be forgiven is so simple....as simple as just filling that void that something left so long ago....
So when people say time heals all wounds, they are just bullshitters. Wounds that deep dont get healed. They just get scarred enough to cover up but will never be completely whole again. Because wounds never fully heal, they will always remain and can be literally busted open again and again causing the same pain and frustrations....only to have new scar tissue build up covering the old ones. And if its opened again...both the new and old scar tissues pain are exposed...and its just a never ending cycle until u loose the ability to fall and bust open that wound.
I wonder when i'm gonna lose the ability to fall......am i ever going to stop getting slapped in the face because i dont know when to turn my back?