Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Ebert, Robert and Sara (The Best Critics)

Last night I was watching the news and they said that the amount of people going to movies has declined from last year. It was funny to see them search through all these reasons: the movies are getting bad, people just buy dvds now, etc. Maybe I was the only one to think this, but they left out the most important reason (those dumbasses)--THE PRICE!

Insolent fools! hehehe, no just kidding. But really, the price is a huge factor. I, spent $9, count em, $9 the other day to go see a silly J Lo movie. Well I didn't spend my own money, but you get the idea. I've heard recently that they're going to raise it to $10. Maybe this is just the crazy price in New York, but I definitely don't go see random movies anymore...they have to be referred to me by a friend or they have to have some hot actor in them (haha, come on...you like the hot actors too!).

I just had to bring this factor up to attention, since the TV reporters missed it...idiots!

I just don't want movie theaters to go away (the news brought up this point). There's something magical about the atmosphere there that you can never duplicate--right down to the crying baby 2 rows ahead of you. That's why we love movie theaters, we love everything about them.

And where else would I see Michael Vartan's face 20 feet high? Just a dvd wouldn't suffice. So please, guys, stop raising the prices and keep the movie theaters around. You'll surely see a change in attendance.

Monday, May 30, 2005

The World...

So the wedding is over. Everything went perfect. Everything was beautiful. And yes, I cried A LOT. Too much went on to write it all down, so if you want to know the details and want to see the pictures, feel free to contact me.

There are a lot of friends I've been meaning to call lately, but I haven't had much time. Work for the wedding and work itself has been consuming my every minute. People aren't made to work this much, so why do we? Why do we grind ourselves down to the bone to "have a living?" What kind of living is it to only work and pay bills. I don't see much life going on there.

I guess that's why I am going to college. Hopefully when I graduate I will get a job that makes me happy. I wish we could be a little more like Italy and set aside 3 hours every day to have lunch with the family. They seem to have their priorities straight.

To my friends, I will call you this week! Seriously now, I'm not kidding. I know that I need to get my priorities straight.

Oh, and yay! I get to go to the mall today and shop around :) Heck yes Memorial Day Sale!

On another note...

A not-so-exact quote from Kingdom of Heaven, which I saw last night with my cousins:

"Where will we end up? (the girl asks, and beautiful Orlando answers) The world will decide. The world always does decide."

That's a good answer to a question I often ask myself. Where will I end up? Will I be rich? Will I be happy? Will I be homeless? Will I make a difference? Will I be selfish? Will I be selfless?

The world will decide, I guess.

Did you know: Barbara Walters is 75. I didn't quite know her age. But she's pretty high on the age scale. Not everyone likes her, I'm sure. Her voice is pretty annoying. But I respect her for what she's done in her life. Think of all the souls she's interviewed. From the good to bad (remember Fidel Castro?), I have to respect her inquisitive nature and contribution to the world of journalism. It's pretty cool, to say the least. Especially because she made it in a time when women were not supposed to be on top or in the spotlight (in a man's job).

I want a life like that. Not famous, but fufilling. I'm guessing that she's fufilled, of course.

It's a weird place to be young. To have all the world before you and all the opportunity brushing your finger tips, but all the fears and disasterous thoughts that go along with being in such a position. It's scary. I know I need to take a step foward, but which way do I go? And will it be the right way? This kind of questioning can drive a person mad and be exciting at the same time.

It's almost like going into battle. Am I prepared? Is my shield big enough and are my weapons better than the person battling me?

I guess the answer won't be found until I actually go into battle. What is there to learn hiding behind the brick wall? Eventually that wall will be breached by the enemy, so fighting is in order.

The world will decide. The world always does decide.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

A Special Message

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

A Small Update....

I haven't really had a chance to write anything recently cause of finals and the upcoming wedding. Between these two things I literally have had no time to sleep. And I had to pack to move back home.

I am so tired. When you move from one world to the next, tiredness tends to bring ya down.

School and home seriously are two different worlds. I like to have some quiet, at school I get plenty of it, but at home I'd be lucky if I'm left alone for 30 seconds. Also, it's really hard to go from packing, to moving, to working without any real rest. It's 12:50 right about now, and I'm dozing off as I type. Can you say Sara is a little old lady? hehe, I'm so tired, I'd probably slur that a little myself.

Wow. I feek as if I am going absolutely crazy. It's the lack of sleep. I'm off to bed, I shall update soon ( i hope).

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Growing Confusion

Wow, a lot of things in life are quite confusing. Trying to understand life, love, work, responsibilities and all its reprecussions can be included in that statement.

I feel as though I am in a maze right now. My shallow breathing is my only guide as I make my way through the prickly, dark green walls. The hedges are so high at this point that I'm left unsure and a little doubtful. How does one get out of this place?

I know how this little maze was built. In my mind of course; furnished by fear. I can't help but be a little fearful of the future. I'm envious of those that can just "roll with the punches" in life. I've always been the one to avoid the punches and avoid pain. Here, I feel as though I am placing myself right in the center of the flame. I am completely vulnerable to getting burned.

I'm giving myself a bit of a headache. It's like I'm happy about the situation and worried and upset at the same time. I'm confused to as to whether this is what I want my future to lead to or want things to go back to how it was before. I want to go back to 2nd grade! My only concerns then were when recess would come and if I'd get that extra piece of chocolate from my mom.

Why must every upside have a downfall? I need to stop asking stupid questions.

Being excited and hesitant all at once is a weird state to be in. Where is the end of the maze? A straight line would be oh-so-easier right about now.

Brain for sale!

Please...someone take away my over-analytical brain. I don't need it, it's quite a burden! I'll sell it for $99.99. You can have this sweet deal!

I worry too much. I think too much. It's just too much. I exasperate myself over situations that shouldn't be exasperating.

I should learn how to listen to my heart, that's where real knowledge is found.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Nature really does have an Effect..

It is soooooooo beautiful out today. The breeze is just the right amount, the sun is giving off the perfect amount of heat and the world is giving me a hug today.

Wasn't that a put-your-finger-down-your-throat-and-throw-up kind of sentence? Yeah, sorry for the sheer gushiness of it. I'm simply having an excellent day.

On another subject, isn't it funny how little we actually use cold hard cash anymore? I went shopping the other day and whipped out my debit card like it was change in my pocket. But for one of the transactions, I actaully bothered to open my wallet up (like it's hard) and notice the pretty little 10 sittting in there. Ex-Prez Hamilton was staring up at me and saying (through his paper mouth) "why the hell aren't you using me dammit?" So I abided by the ex-president and spent my paper/linen money. Wow, it's been awhile since I've spent some good ol' commodity money. What? Money backed by actual reserves? What a concept!

This is why credit cards are dangerous. Witnessing myself giving the cashier a 10 sent a signal to my brain...in turn I realized that I was spending 10 dinero. When I give out my credit card I usually don't pay attention to how much I'm spending until I check my receipt.

This also means that I have nonchallantly signed the reciept given back to the store. For all I know, the reciept could say something to the effect of "Aeropostale is in partnership with the devil and we now own your soul." I wouldn't even know! That's so sad.

Maybe I should kick my lazy ass into shape and make a trip to the ATM machine more often...God forbid I have to walk anywhere! My cousin said that we should make moving sidewalks, so we don't have to walk anywhere. Hmmm...yes cousin, let's make America even lazier than we already are! Walking and paying with actual cash are concepts that are a little hard for us Americans. It's funny how the world changes subtlely and slowly, but in big ways.

Oh well, as long as the sun is shining and the trees are rustling in the breeze I will be happy. As long as we continue to preserve nature, life will go on.

Always Finding Time...

Everytime I tell myself I'm too busy to write in this little thing, I always end up writing in it. Do I really have time right now to be dilly-dallying? Nope, not so much. But the way I see it, this blog is the eye of the storm; the tranquil place between giant worlds of madness. This is a place to purge my thoughts and feelings.

It's good that I find solace in writing, especially today. It's not necessarily a bad day, just a bit depressing when looking at the list I have to accomplish:
  • First, go to work
  • Finish my HUI 235 Final Paper on a book I didn't bother to read
  • Start Studying for Microbio and Bio 203
  • Take Microbio final Monday Morning
  • Take Bio 203 final Tuesday morning

My wonderful to-do list that is. Not a gret way to start a day...but wi'll see. Things always have a way of turning out differently than you think. I just wish i had room on my list for "relaxing" or "sleeping." I guess those things have to take a back burner today.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

It's That Time Of Year Again....

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen. That time of year that we all love has arrived once again (a little too soon if you ask me).

The dreaded final's week is upon us once again.

I must go slap physics and its fellow mates on the wrist for being so naughty all semester. But before I leave, here are a couple of very useful duas/prayers for all us students in this time of stress. There are english translations for those that don't understand the arabic words. Make dua that I kill my exams and I make dua for you all. Good Luck!!!


Allahumma infa'nii bimaa O Allah! Make useful for me what You
'allamtanii wa'allimnii taught me and teach me knowledge
maa yanfa' unii. that will be useful to me.

Allahumma inii as'aluka O Allah! I ask You for the understanding
fahmal-nabiyyen wa hifthal of the prophets and the memory of the
mursaleen al-muqarrabeen. messengers, and those nearest to You.

Allahumma ijal leesanee O Allah! Make my tongue full of
'amiran bi thikrika wa Your remembrance, and my heart with
qalbi bi khashyatika. consciousness of You.

Innaka 'ala ma-tasha'-u (O Allah!) You do whatever You wish,
qadeer wa anta hasbun-allahu and You are my Availer and
wa na'mal wakeel. Protector and the best of aid.


Allahhumma inni astaodeeuka O Allah! I entrust You with what I
ma qara'tu wama hafaz-tu. have read and I have studied.
Faradduhu 'allaya inda (O Allah!) Bring it back to me when
hagati elayhi. I am in need of it.

Innaka 'ala ma-tasha'-u (O Allah!) You do whatever You wish,'
qadeer wa anta hasbeeya and You are my Availer and
wa na'mal wakeel. Protector and the best of aid.


Allahumma la sahla illama O Allah! Nothing is easy except what
ja-'altahu sahla wa anta taj You have made easy. If You wish, You
'alu al hazana etha shi'ta sahla can make the difficult easy.


Allahumma inni a'oodhoo bika O Allah! I seek refuge in You from anxiety
minal-hammi walhuzni, wal-'ajzi and sorrow, weakness and laziness,
wal-kasali wal-bukhli wal-jubni, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of
wa dal'id-dayni wa ghalabatir-rajaal debts and from being oppressed by men.


Allahumma rahmataka arjoo falaa O Allah! It is Your mercy that I hope for
takilnee ilaa nafsee tarfata so do not leave me in charge of my affairs
'aynin wa aslih-lee sha'nee even for a blink of an eye and rectify
kullahu, laa ilaha illa anta for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be
worshipped except You.


Tuesday, May 10, 2005

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

I need a reason to procrastinate. This seems good enough, Don't you think so?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

Monday, May 09, 2005

How Liberal / Conservative are you?

Your Political Profile

Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Funny How Things Change So Drastically...

It's amazing what you learn just by listening. There is laughter, there is praise, and you start to look at people differently. People you often did not want to be around because you were going through that "stage" in life where you thought you were too cool to be around them, making up your own infantile excuses, which make absolutely no sense now.

And then one day, just by listening, you suddenly change. You're not the person who used to believe those petty thoughts, and in fact, you're more embarassed by your past actions then by the people.

It is astounding that I used to think so little of someone who loves me so much. A person who only wants the best in life for me and gave it all always without question. I now wonder how I could have acted that way.

Perhaps it is the fact that we are both growing older, that our laughter is sweeter and our talks more significant. Yet at the same time, a child exists within us both who enjoys surfacing now and then. It keeps us both from taking life too seriously and admitting that we are adults with responsibilities.

A soft kiss on the forehead is not as bad as I once made it out to be. In fact, it is full of comfort and trust, and maybe that is all that I'll ever need.

One day we might part. One day we might not see each other that often or talk about our days with passion, anger and amusement. It is for that reason that I want to cherish it now. Laugh now, cry now, scream now, and hug now. Because I don't know how long it will last and I don't want to regert anything.

Trust and Respect

You know, trust and respect are two things that are pretty important in every relationship. Oh, and of course when I speak of relationships, I'm not just talking about the romantic ones - I'm also talking of the friendships and partnerships and relationships with your family. Trust and respect - definitely the glue that keeps things together.

I mean you've got these people in your life - your boyfriend/girlfriend, family, friends... whatever else... and they know a side of you that no other person knows. You count on them for things that you could never ask anyone else to do for you. You trust them to keep your secrets, and to keep you sane during your most insane of moments. You trust them to protect you, to always be there for you, and to never violate you. You count on them to forever be honest with you, because all in all that's all you can really ask of anybody. You never expect them to hurt you, because they know that you only trust the most select of people.

Trust, my dears, is definitely important. I mean without it... you've got nothing. You're honest with your friends and you expect them to always be honest with you - it's a two way street, and when one side fails to respect that... that's when things begin to fall apart. That's when things need to be sorted out. I mean, you expect your relationships to be full of honesty, trust and respect. How could you possibly respect someone that you don't trust or trust someone that you don't respect. How could you possibly be expected to trust someone that you feel doesn't even respect you?

You allow these people, who are suppose to be so important to you, to see the most vulnerable side of you and they continue to disrespect you with unnecessary comments and lack of understanding. You're there for them 200%, and in return you only get 75. You pray that it'll eventually get better, but you know deep down that it's not going to... and though you know it... though you know that things are never going to change... you keep holding on. You keep reaching out... you keep giving, because you love them. You care about them, and you continue to believe that perhaps eventually they'll start to realize what they're doing to you. They'll start to recognize that these things that they've been doing actually affects you. It affects your self esteem and self confidence. You hope that they'll see that instead of you reaching out to them when they're reaching out to you, you're slowly pushing them away... and though you continue to be there for them at all times during the day or night, you've stopped letting them in on your own life and problems ages ago.

Yeah... trust and respect... they go together hand in hand. Now think about it. Are you getting what you need from these people that you love and that supposedly love you? If you're not, don't you think it's about that time to just be done with it all?

I do.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Eh, Whatever...

Sometimes I go into things so blindly... trying to feel my way around... looking for answers in all the wrong places. I get to a place where things don't make sense, and I start to wonder why I put myself in that situation in the first place. I begin to second guess myself... and I've never thought highly of anything that causes any kind of doubt. Doubtful situations are the ones that you really need to be careful of... and that is the advice that I tend to give people. Though when it comes to myself... Do I ever follow my own advice? Of course not. I tend to put myself in odd situations over and over and over again... then fuss over it forever. I drive myself insane trying to figure out what to do about things, and then pray that it all works out in the end. It's crazy, actually.

Oh, and have I mentioned that when things bother me - I hate talking about them? Have I mentioned that? It's kind of a problem that I have... but it's true. I absolutely hate it... no matter how much I know that I need to talk about it. There's so much that I should say... to so many different people... that I just don't bother to say. Why? Well because, why bother? It's not like I'd be able to say it and just be done with it, you know? It'd be something that would need to be said and discussed and disected... this way and that... emotions and drama... all that shit that I don't want to deal with. All those freaking questions - why, where, when... all that shit. Some things are just always better not talked about. Though, sometimes, I do have to admit, things are better talked about... but regardless, I hate it. Yes, I may do it once in awhile, but it doesn't mean I have to like it... or do it willingly.

I Am "Pre-Approved"

So this morning, I was fooled into opening what looked like a semi-important envelope which in reality was a pre-approved credit card offer from a company we'll call, "Recover." I probably get something from these guys every few weeks (+/- a week or so). From them and another company that sounds like "Crapital Bun."Usually I just take care of the pre-approval offers by just tearing the envelopes in half and disposing of everything properly. But these guys always include a fake plastic credit card in the envelope.

Now honestly - What is the purpose of the card? Have marketing studies shown that the enclosure of this fake plastic card increases the probability of a sale for some people? This little transparent card pushes people over the edge and makes them apply?

What are we, little kids?

Maybe we're supposed to imagine ourselves being ballers, flossing and making large purchases, like a Rolex watch and some accessorized bling, for example. Or those spinny rims for da Escalade. mmm hmmm! I'm a bad mofo with my fake "Recover" card..

Come on! I'm sure people are using those cards right now to scratch themselves.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Ever Wonder?

Ever Wonder....

Why does dessert make us feel better in times of stress.

I've uncovered something.

It's because "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts".


I think not.

M - E - M - O - R - I - E - S

Some things are better left forgotten. Or at least until another time.

My memory has a new hobby.

It plays tricks on me, springing stuff to the centre of consciousness when I least expect it.

It happened again this morning...I was in the middle of a great and comfortable conversation during breakfast, when I was suddenly bombarded by images of another time and place. Words spoken then came back to me. I was no longer sitting here, but ported back to the corner where the piece of memory had lain, gathering dust. The same emotions came rushing back, coursed through my veins and engulfed my entire being.

All of a sudden I was upset, and self-conscious. I no longer knew how to behave; where to look, what to say. I became wary about my company, who at that moment was telling me how he preferred pancakes over waffles for breakfast.

My mood took an irreversible plunge. It should not have been like that. At least not then. This is horrible.

Is there an on-off switch for memories?

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Life As An Extention

In your immediate circle, you are who are, and people know you as you.

There are times when you are not. You're known only as so-and-so's friend/ sister/ colleague/ daughter/ date / girlfriend...

A living, breathing, walking extension of someone else.

Happens when you meet people more than a degree removed. Happens with everyone sometime or another.

As they slowly move into your first degree circle, you get upgraded. You are almost you, and sometimes the extension bit remains for convenient identification.

Recently I've been playing the extension role quite a bit.

But I'm looking forward to being me, just me, again. How 'bout you?

The Ant

There's an ant in my suite room, roaming about on my couch. A little black spider-like one. I caught a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye this morning on the way to the bathroom. He'd come out of a fold to take a peek at me. Yet as I trained my sight on him, he had gone into hiding again, snug in yet another fold. I did a little jiggling of the couch cusions, trying to loosen his grip and free him before someone accidentally crushes him. My impaired eyesight couldn't catch any black spot falling free but I was pretty sure he wasn't there anymore.

Five minutes ago I thought I saw him again, still on the couch. Once again the moment I trained my eyes on my couch, he was nowhere to be found. He's making darn sure I'm not gonna find him and get rid of him that easily. He is determined to stay. How do I tell him it's just not meant to be? Maybe tonight we'll go for a drink together and bid each other farewell. Maybe there he'll find someone else to latch onto and live happily after.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Putting on a Mask...

Everyone wears this mask sometimes. A mask that hides your true feelings to show another.

Sometimes it is because you refuse to be the culprit dampening everyones spirits. You dont wish to be a wet blanket when the setting is one of cheer.

Sometimes it is because you dont want the focus to shift from the group to you. You know that once you start spilling, an evening of merry-making could very well turn sombre as the direction of conversation shift towards a discussion of your problems, and a dissection of your life.

Sometimes you were only hoping for the festivities to lift your moods, even if just for that moment. You’re tired of being bogged down. You need a rest, you need to drop the baggages. You put everything aside and try to enjoy yourself, for that little while before the demons catch up with you once more.

Whatever the reason is, try respect it. Dont pry. When you see it on me, and dont try to remove it either. Everything is just better that way.


How much does keeping promises mean to you? Do they mean just a little, a lot, or are promises just a bunch of empty words? If you promise something and then don't keep it, how do you feel? Or does it not bother you at all. These are views that need to be explored.

Some people break promises as easy as I'd break a toothpick. It's just that easy for them. They'll promise you anything but when the time comes to fulfill that promise, they casually forget or have something else to do. It doesn't matter to them how it makes you feel, just as long as they get to do whatever it is that has come about. There'll be all kinds of arguments, bad words, and stomping around when they're confronted with the fact that they have broken the promise that you had waited so patiently on. People like that don't like to be reminded of their shortcomings. I think the reason they fuss and cuss is because they know they've done wrong[of course they know], and they are trying with everything they have in themselves to turn the entire situation around so ALL the blame falls onto you. You, the one the promise was made too, is now the one the blame is placed on that's causing all the discontent between the two of you. There's a lot of growing up and maturing needed on the part of the promise maker and there a huge difference between being grown and being mature.

Why don't people try and understand that everything is not always about them. They blame you for their failings, always passing the buck. I always thought we were here to make other people happy instead of doing as we please. I guess everyone has a different objective in this life. But when promises are broken, it's not only their word that been broken but it's the other person's heart, their feelings are squashed making them feel like they are really of no use to that person at all.

What makes people act this way? Why would anyone want to break a promise unless of course it was a matter of life and death. WHY???? That sure is a big word that is hardly ever explained to the fullest.

I wish I could answer this, I really do. I don't know why I broke my promise. I don't know what came over me, I don't understand what the hell is going on in my head and in my heart. I am so confused. So much more confused then I have ever been before. And I feel like such a horrible person for letting my foolishness affect someone who completely doesn't deserve it. What I did, actually in this case did not do, is really hurting me. I can only imagine how much it affects you. I am truely sorry from the bottom of my heart. And I really hope you can forgive me.

Feelin Oh So Good!

When I opened up my eyes today
Felt the sun shining on my face
It became so clear to me that everything is goin my way
I feel like there's no limit to what I can see
Got rid of fears that were holding me
My endless possibilities
Has the whole world opened up for me
That's why I'm feeling...

I'm feeling so good
I knew I would
Been taking care of myself
Like I should
Cause not one thing
Can bring me down
Nothing in this world gonna turn me around...
Now that day is turning into night
And everything is still going right
there's no way you can stop me this time
Or break this spirit of mine

Like the stars above I'm gonna shine
Anything I want will be mine
Tonight I'm gonna have a good time
Call a few friends of mine
cause I'm loving life and tonight's for feeling...

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

War Is NOT Over!

This war with me and Physics is never-ending, I SWEAR! Physics sucks a big one. It is the most horrible subject/topic of conversation/thing EVER created. Or close to the worst thing ever created, at least.

This WAR is not over. I am going to call this war The Cold War. I am the Americans and Physics is the Russians. The Russians have really made the Americans mad, but haven't they learned from Japan? You don't fucking wake the sleeping giant. And now I am going to have to drop a freaking bomb on Physic's ass and blow it to smithereens. Don't fuck with the Americans, fool.

So, that was a bit dramatic and I don't endorse war (I'm a liberal, did ya know?). But Physics and I cannot co-exist in this world.

Therefore it must die and I will kill it. End of story.


Monday, May 02, 2005

Burritos Are Weapons Of Mass Destruction!

Ok, the burrito/school fiasco makes me laugh.

People are much too paranoid, but at least they fueled my need for some entertainment. And it happened in Texas, that doesn't surprise me. Afterall, Bush comes from Texas. Can't we just sell this uneccessary to Mexico? Don't get me worng, I have a few loved ones in the Lonestar state, but I have NO IDEA why they stay there.

On a more local note, this week scares me (the way Texas scares me). I have a TON of work to do...oh madness! Swiftly the days go by and closer finals do cometh. I know everyone is feeling this pain right now.

Summer looks so good from this standpoint. It's just across the bridge now, a hop skip and a jump away.