Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Challenge

So I have been challenged. Challenged to do what, you ask? Well read on my friends, read on...

Events that led up to said "challange""

1) A certain someone decides that he wants to make fun of my "boring" template for my blog.

2) Said person then decides that I lose "cool points" with him because of my lack of "originality".

3) And THEN, said person states "but its all good, you have no skills anyway!"

4) My reaction: WHAT THEEEEE????!!!!!!!!!!!

Thus, said challenge is born.

I am to create a whole new template/skin, from stratch, to host my ramblings. Nothing but straight up html and all that good stuff. And we all know that I know NOTHING about designing a web template. I don't even know how to funtion my computer for goodness sakes. But will that stop me?! HELL NO! I WILL NOT BACK DOWN!

So said person....

I accept your challenge. Be prepared to go to down son!

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

What the?

I knew it was coming. I was prepared for it. I pushed for it. I actually prayed for it. I actually thought I would be so relived when it did happen. I was actually happy thinking it would happen. And how happy everyone would be. I was planning for how stressfree I would be and how I could really look foward to the future.

And now it's happened.

And I'm so caught off guard by it.

And I dont understand why.

And I never expected this.

But the tears are falling.

And It hurts.

A lot.

= (

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

The little Sara that could...

So, continuing from my last post, I must say that there is nothing that I can do for my friend to magically "mend" her. The only thing that will heal her is herself-- her own self-realization and analysis. That's a frustrating thing to admit; of course I want to make things better for close friends. Thinking too much with my heart is what sometimes hurts me most. I need to do more thinking with my actual brain than with my heart, which is possible, but none the less, almost unattainable for me.

Today I felt a bit like a zombie. I got enough sleep, but it was just one of those days where i couldn't really think or function. I needed some kind of peppy song to wake up my mind. Where was George Michael when I needed him? "Wake me up, before you go go, don't leave hanging here like a yoyo...."I

'm kidding of course! Oh man, the eighties are definitely a decade to laugh at.

So of course when I get in these zombie-like moods I break out the caffiene. Really now, coffee is a drug. There's no way around it. And I have this french vanilla cream inside, brings me back to a day in 4th grade when my friend revealed to me that you could drink your parents creamer by itself, and I then proceeded to drink a whole glass of it. You may cringe at that thought, but it was "lip-smakin'" good and I had a sugar high for about 4 hours. Not that I needed it at that age.

By the way, why do we have all that energy when we're younger? I could use some now. And to think, I used to despise nap time. Man, if there was a nap time 101 in college, that would be the most popular class ever.

Back in 4th grade, I remember I had the feeling that I could take on the world, super hero style...I believed whole-heartedly that "you can do anything you put your mind to." It's a bit depressing to think how much I've changed since then and how much I always doubt myself. Sometimes I think it really would be nice to stay a kid forever. To have that ignorance about the world was definitely a blessing sometimes. Those were the days where I would play X-men all day (and be Storm, of course), roll around in the mud (and not worry about trying to look girly) and most importantly, just be completely myself.

Anyways, I've completely sidetracked here, and really I'm procrastinating from studying...but hopefully, someday, I can revisit the days of believeving COMPLETELY in myself (none of this "well maybe I can do it" crap). I'll go back to some wise words from a book I used to love..."I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." I think I can graduate. I think I can get a good job. I think I can live life without being so scared of it. At least, I'll try my hardest.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Sad :(

I'm sad.

I'm sad for my friend. She's unhappy and I don't know how to mend her. I want to help her feel better but I just don't know what to say or do. It's an extremely frustrating situation. What does she need? Faith? More love? Therapy?

Life is very odd sometimes and hard to figure out. I wish I had all the answers. At one time I was convinced that I did. I'm finding out rapidly that that's not the case.

Why is it that the world always advertises its problems, but never shows me the solution?

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

To my cousins...

I went to my really good friend's sister's wedding on Saturday night. Masha'allah the bride looked incredibly gorgeous, and the wedding and all the festivities went along great. Everyone was dressed so beautiful in their saris and suits. I had a lot of fun, but when the bride's cousin made a speech for her, I got so teary eyed, especially when her voice started breaking and you could here her sadness and happiness for her cousin, at the same time. I felt like I was losing my own sister then and there.

Her speech got me thinking of my own cousins and how soon, they are going to get married and leave our close knit family to start one of their own. I don't even want to think about myself getting married and leaving, I still think I'm too young, even though my cousin's are not that much older then me. I just started thinking what would I say, how everything as I know it would be so different. Us cousins are so close, I don't have a blood sister of my own, but I look at my cousins as my own sisters. I basically grew up with most of my cousins, we all lived in the same town, had houses a few blocks away from each other, went to the same schools, have literally been there for each other through thick and thin.

Thinking about all our memories and conversations about the future and just about how we learned from each others experiences and grew up with each other just makes me so grateful that I have had the opportunity to be so close to my family. I thank Allah so much for giving me such a loving and generous family to learn and prosper from. I know sometimes I don't show my family [that includes my parents, brother, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandmothers] how much I love and appreciate them. But I know, and you guys know, that I will always love you from the bottom of my heart, no matter what. Whether we drift away, don't speak for five years, or live in the same neighborhood in the future, I will always be there for you. Insha'allah, I pray from every part of my being, that the relationship that we have with each other stays the same forever, or strengthens itself even more, because you guys have been my past, my present and will, insha'allah, be my future.

i <3 you cousins

...i <3 all my friends too :-D....

Just wanted to say....


Boys can be some real dumbasses sometimes. I mean some of them are just really really stupid.

Like they only use 1/10 of the 1/10 of our brain that we function from.
I'm not exactly amazed by this, I just didn't know they could get this stupid.

I'm not gonna say much more here.

Just stating the obvious.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Work Sucks

NO! I do not want to go to work today. I take great pride and tremendous joy in being lazy. And customers over here are little brats. They are spoiled rotten brats who have nothing better to do than to argue with me over a 30 cent discount. That just kills me. We should ship those spoiled bitches to Cuba where Fidel Castro can work his magic and castrate them.

Ok, so maybe I'm being harsh. But people and their spoiledness get on my nerves sometimes. Learn some humility, bitches!

But I really don't wanna go to work...i feel like being lazy.
My brother told me to call IN DEAD!
...sounds like a mighty good idea to me....

Saturday, March 19, 2005


One of my really close friends made a really good point to me tonight. He said "Negativity doesn't pull you through to the top" He also said that I used to be one of the most cheery peoples he's ever known and I should find that again. He's right. I definitly need to give up this "glass is half empty thing" and go back to my usual "glass is half full" self.

Here is a small compilation of things that make me happy and giddy and smile and feel all fuzzy inside, for "no" particular reason, simply because I want to tell you:

  • Trying to eat the rain
  • Dancing in the rain
  • Peeling off nail polish
  • The color your lips turn after eating a popsicle
  • sitting at the edge of a pool with your feet in the water
  • driving on a 78-degree day with my sunroof open and a slight breeze dancing in the air
  • the smell of gasoline (this makes me sound like a weirdo, I realize)
  • the ellipsis...and I HATE it when people call it the "dot dot dot thingy." You fools! Ellipsis is a cool word, so use it!
  • walking around in airports ( i love the lady on the intercom that speaks in different languages)
  • hot chocolate with handmade whip cream
  • kisses on the cheek, by anyone
  • dancing like there's no tomorrow
  • tapping on windows after you've gotten a manicure or have considerably long nails
  • watching movies that scare the hell out of me...god, why do I find joy from this?
  • the sound ice cubes make in a glass full of water
  • running through a field with really high grass
  • getting and receiving hugs
  • glasses...and guys that look cute in them
  • talking with a friend over a cup of coffee
  • that moment in the movie theater when the room darkens and the movie is about to begin
  • the curve before the big dip in the rollercoaster
  • Bollywood movies with the sappy songs and sappy endings
  • Talking to long lost friends
  • laughing so hard that your face and tummy hurts
  • getting long distance phone calls
  • getting lost in a really good book that you stay up all night reading
  • when someone plays with my hair
  • peanut butter and banana sandwiches
  • babies giggling
  • when babies grab one of ur fingers with their whole hand
  • Fairy tales [Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast]
  • Ok, so this list is getting a little I'll stop. And yes, I know I'm a weirdo, it's just the way I am. But I have one more thing to add: Watching Romeo and Juliet (with Leo) and inserting myself into Claire Danes character...oh yes, that definitely makes me happy!

I have more...but I think this list is good for now :-D

Friday, March 18, 2005

Stuff that annoys Sara:

  • Hypocrites: people who change their opinions all the time based on whats popular...seriously get a life!
  • Water Fountains with low pressure: yuckie!
  • wEn PeOpLe OnLiNe tYpeZ LiKe DiS: argh!!!!
  • when people say "HON": either use to full word or dont say it at all! its freakin annoying!
  • when people tell me how to spend my money: its my money, i worked for it, i will spend it or not spend how i want!
  • People who talk as if they are better then everyone: snobs!
  • Guys who wear tight pants: eww!
  • People who have long toe nails: thats is NASTY!
  • Waking up early: argh!
  • People who relate every topic of conversation within a group back to themselves: ahem ahem...Samina knows who im talking about :-X
  • When people leave empty cartons in the fridge: its just wrong!
  • When people leave damp towels on the bed: use your head people...wet towels + dry bed= wet bed....its just not nice....
  • Grocery carts with one bad wheel or any other non-working parts
  • NBC for canceling "Friends"

    *inspired by Deepthi's away message*

Also...I just want to apologize to everyone that had to read my previous post. It was pretty grotesque, but I needed to let out some anger and frustration out. It was just one of those weeks where sanity is out of the question. Maybe I should just be tied up in a straight jacket.

I should definitely get a gold medal for dealing with this week and still staying alive. Not bronze or silver, but gold. I deserve that much (and a Nike endorsement to go with it to make me a few million).

Thursday, March 17, 2005










Wednesday, March 16, 2005

What is Love?

What Love is?
-By 4-8 year old children

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss." Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen,". Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate." Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little ol d man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four-year-old child whose next-door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

I love little children. They are the best things in the entire world, so innocent and so faithful. I want one :-/

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Prepare for war, bitches!!!!

Prepare for war, bitches!
Freakin' physics is kicking my ass right now and it pisses me off. What pisses me off more is when people come up to me and say, "Oh, you're not getting physics? Well, that's common sense stuff." Shut up you bastards. I could kick your ass on an essay anyday! Physics - I will not go gently! Iblis's [aka Shaiytan's] subject will not overcome. I'm pulling out the cannons and I will win the I'm so dramatic, but whatever, I need a freakin' A in this class though! Physics, you ARE going down to Chinatown.

Lately I've been feeling drained.
Feeling drained is not a good feeling to be having, I've decided.

But alas, I am drained of energy.
I am drained of sleep.
I am drained of creativity.
I am drained of time.
I am drained of # 2 pencils...there are far too many physics quizzes!
I am drained of sanity.
I am drained of relaxation.

And all that I am drained of has been replaced with stress, blank stares, zoning and a tarnished nickel in my pocket. You can't even buy Bazooka Bubble gum with that anymore, can you? That's alright, it looses it's flavor far too quickly anyway. But that's off the subject. I need to lay off the soda and caffiene. And please, if you have a cure for chronic procrastination, please be so kind as to tell me what it is. Thank you kindly. Oh my heaven! ALL I would like to do is sleep...and maybe read Pride and Prejudice or Charlotte's Web, whatever tickles my fancy at the time. Still, there's hardly time in the world to do that. I need some coffee. And a hug.

I hung out with my cuzin all weekend and I asked her a question that I had been pondering to myself for quite some time. I asked, "Have you ever been attracted to someone who isn't traditionally attractive?" I was choosing my words wisely, of course. And I asked because I've found myself attracted to guys who aren't attractive to most girls. But they were all extremely hilarious, and that is the NUMBER ONE most attractive thing to me. I hate when guys assume I'm attracted to them because of their looks and forget that, yes, personality IS important and, yes, you BETTER have one. Especially having a sarcastic, humorous personality is nice. I am superficial in many ways. But it's good to know that I'm not superficial about this stuff and stuff that really matters. In fact, I'm proud of it. ::glows::


I haven't blogged in a while, I've been soooo busy! So many birthdays - AHH!!! So I've practically been celebrating my 20th birthday since Thursday night and its been hella fun! Thursday night I chilled with my Stony girls, nothing too extravagent - dinner, movies, then just random sillyness! I'm glad we didn't do the whole party scene, even though everyone really wanted to. So Friday I went to my cuz's apartment and cooked some really good food for her boyfriend and "no one ;-)". We made biriyani, shrimp and vegetables, chicken, kababs and a whole lot of other goodies. It was my first time cooking biriyani and it came out soooo goood (according to our taste testers). It was a different kind of fun and I enjoyed it mucho much. Then we stayed up all night and had really amazing heart to heart talks. Saturday we just chilled in the city and did a lil' shopping, and that night me, no one, my cuz and a bunch of people went to do some shishaa in steinwey, and they surprised me at 12 with a burday cake and lil partyish type thing. I <3 u cuzin and "no one". Sunday I went home and spent my real burday with my parents and family. I got a digi cam woohooo!!!! I had a blast this weekend, but I was soooo sick through it all. But mah baby took care of me, muaaaaaah! Okie this is it for now, when I feel a lil better I'll be a lil more entertaining. And to everyone that remembered me on my burday, if I havent already thanked you personally, I just wanna say I really do appreciate all of you, and I DO feel the love. MUAHHH WITH A CHERRY ON TOP TO YOU ALL!!!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Interesting Conversations :-D

Had some really entertaining conversations last night, one with a high school friend I haven't talked to in a hot minute. I love how some things that are really good, never really change, no matter how much time has passed or what not. I love how me and this friend havent talked for so long but it was if nothing had changed. Here's a little snippet of our retarded convo:

SeRaPhiCaNgL313: wuts good stranger
seventysixx: haha not much how are you kid?
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: im aiggght
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: living lifeeeee
seventysixx: yeahh i hear you
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: u know how we do dawg
seventysixx: haha
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: hows school
seventysixx: did u really just say dawg u loser
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: lmao
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: word son
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: i r gangsta
seventysixx: haha oh yeah sooo gangsta
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: hahahhaa
seventysixx: haha what?
seventysixx: lest face the reality
seventysixx: ur the whitest brown girl i know

~Thanks for the love Jason ha!~

Here's another intersting snippet. This is also interesting and made me feel a lot better about being an idiot haha!

SeRaPhiCaNgL313: as long as he's happy
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: its all good
Lilmaze789: omg..ur like the perfect ex
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: lmao
Lilmaze789: can u be with me and break up
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: no im not
Lilmaze789: so i can have u as my ex
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: hahha WHY?
Lilmaze789: bc ur so perfect
Lilmaze789: lol
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: lmao
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: howwww?
Lilmaze789: u will always want me 2 be happy
Lilmaze789: thats awesome
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: hahahhaha
Lilmaze789: nah for real tho
SeRaPhiCaNgL313: thats cuz im an IDIOTTT
Lilmaze789: not a lot of people are like that
Lilmaze789: nahh..thats genuine
Lilmaze789: i like that

~Thanks pal!~

Other convos I'll keep to myself...cause they are a lil private, na mean jelly bean ;-)
That's all for now...but I'll leave with this :

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I've got a crush
But it's not on you!

hahahhaha! :-P

Wednesday, March 09, 2005


New York weather is driving me insane! On Monday, I could have SWORN it was spring, it was like 60 degrees out...but yesterday there was a blizzard with hailing snow. I know this because it hit me in my face. The snow basically wanted to start a lil suttin' with me. But I wasn't having that. I went back to my room after physics and said TO HELL WITH YOU CLASS! But to my luck, classes for the rest of the day was canceled. It's all good though, I went to my important classes. It was soooo windy yesterday, no one really appreciated that, especially those carrying umbrellas. I saw more broken umbrellas yesterday then I did in my entire life. Then today....I woke up and looked outside and ELLO THERE SUNSHINE! It was beautifullllll outside, but if you went out, you were in for an itty bitty surprise....freeezing cold and iccceeee everywhereee! Oh well, at least I didn't fall this time. :-D

Ever seen Sesame Street In Spanish?...I have. They have more characters on there than Elmo, Grover and Cookie Monster. I don't know why I watched it yesterday but I did and it brought me back to my childhood, which was a good thing because I can go back there whenever I am feeling like this adulthood thing isn't working out. Life was so much simpler back then, wasn't it? ..::Sigh::..

I was thinking about this saying I'm sure most of you have heard before: Eyes are the window to the soul. Are they really? Can you really know what a person is thinking by the eyes? I used to think so. But now, I dunno. People practice manipulation and corruption so often that you never can tell who is telling the truth and who is making up falacies. But I still try to take people for their word. That's all I can go by really. ..::Sigh::..

On the brighter note, guess who's doing a comedy show at Stony next week???!!!! RUSSELL PETERS!!!!! THATS RIGHT! Russell Peters, the hilarious brown man. I can't wait! My friends and I and somebody are gonna have mucho fun! (Insha'allah of course :-D!)

Oh yah, which reminds me, lemme just let ya know before I forget! Mujahideen finally re-launched his site....check it out! It has some really good articles and some hella funny jokes.

..::Life has many parts....take them and store them in your ipod, your c-drive, your zip disk...any where....and always keep them never know when you might need one part of life to bail you out::...

Drop it like a FOB!!!!

Mujahideen sent me this link and it cracked me up for about an hour. I hope you guys enjoy it also :-D

Hey guys, also check out this site :

My homeboys Kazi and Bappy and a couple of their friends came through with some ill bangla rapping. Big ups to my BD boys! ha!

Standing Still...

One book has closed, and another has opened. The past I cannot forget, but it shall be unrelated to my future. This I promise to myself and to you.

I've been riding rollarcoasters and ferris wheels for way too long. I just want to stand still for a while and enjoy the scenery.

Won't you stand still with me?

No more stress, no more drama, no one but you and me.

This is my promise to you, if chose to stand still with me, in this moment...

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Scale of Balance 2

So fuck you nigga!

The Scale of Balance

Tell me.

What's so special about your side of the scale that no matter what you say or said, no matter what you do or did, no matter what you think or thought, you never tipped it over? You are never the reason why the scales become unbalanced. The unbalancing always falls on my side. What I say or said, what I do or did, what I think or thought are what makes this scale unbalanced.

Never you.

You are perfect.

Tell me.

Tell me Mister. Does that make sense to you? Does it?


Think about it. I'll give you a moment to do so. How do you think it was possible for that scale to remain balanced?

In spite of you. Through it all. Through it all it was never your side.

But I'll let you in on a little secret my dear friend. Just a tiny, tiny secret. Don't tell anyone.


The scales remained balanced because as you put more and more on your side, I had to compensate and give more and more of myself.

So now that you know, now that I'm the reason why the scales have tipped over, tell me Mister, how much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice to keep the scales even?

I thought so.

Monday, March 07, 2005


It's all MY fault, okay? I accept full responsibility - it's all my crapyness and weirdness, etc, etc, and I know you're dying, but just... Leave it. I don't want to talk about it. And unless you can accept that's how things are, then I'm never going to want to have anything to do with you. So just leave me alone, and get on with your own life!

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Kay Serah Serah!

Well i decided I should start one of these because I have nothing better to do then procrastinate. My life has been overflowing with so much drama lately that I need a distraction, and insha'allah, get back on track with my school work. Yah so, I was analyzing my life tonight and I realized that every piece of strength that I had built the last three months was shattered in mere minutes. It's crazy how the most simplest words in the world can have such a tremendous affect on a person. I had come to the stage where I was numb to everything, and actually starting to be happy with what I had (something I've been trying to accomplish for quite some time). But as usual, I got myself in the middle of something, knowing how bad it would end up. Once again, I willingly boarded on this never ending rollarcoaster. And right now I'm getting kind of naustious. OH WELL, kay serah serah....whatever will be will be. I give up. It's all in Allah's hands now.